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"We who choose to surround ourselves with lives even more temporary than our own, live within a fragile circle easily and often breached. Unable to accept its awful gaps, we still would live no other way. We cherish memory as the only certain immortality, never fully understanding the necessary plan."
Irving Townsend                             coping with grief

A promise made is a promise kept...   but please read on first...

She presented as a delicate little soul who had had a 'difficult past', and with careful nurturing (after a couple of initial hiccups) Pagan's rehabilitation began in earnest. Bit by bit she came out of her shell, and Tabitha was absolutely stellar here in her treatment of the newcomer to 'HER' home. They even seemed to become 'friends' - tolerating each other at worst, keeping company at best, especially at the times that I went away.

Life seemed to improve for Pagan and for us as, although no one could ever replace Minnie, she filled the crushing void left by Minnies' passing, dispelling the intense loneliness that both Tabitha and I endured as a result. Watching Pagan blossom from the intensely 'troubled' little Cat to the loving and adorable companion she was becoming was a joy indeed to behold.   She seemed well and gaining in confidence and strength from day to day. I couldn't help thinking that with another LEO cat I definitely had another 'firebrand' on my hands! During the summer months (such as they were) The garden was made safe and Pagan, albeit with her vulnerability, went out for an adventure or two regularly. She loved the outside - as long as it was warm - and enjoyed exploring all it had to offer with all the plants, bushes and small tress that provided shelter and her various hiding places and dens.
	Her favourite place in the garden was by (or under) the bamboo bush, that grows so well with its sheltering branches, giving Pagan everything she wanted. She loved to feel the wind in her face with its gentle gusts teasing her whiskers, and she loved the sunshine warming her silky black coat which had regained its gloss and its shine so quickly after arriving here. Pagan soon had her paws under the table and I need never have doubted her for that.

As the months drew in and the summer came to an end, the autumn took its turn on life. Pagan would still go out albeit briefly, but I always kept a close eye on her as her fragility was something of a concern. She seemed happy and contented, chirpy and chatty, as well as vocal like you wouldn't believe (part of her breeding I think)! I remember thinking why the animal shelter didn't supply earplugs with each cat they homed!

Her subsequent routine visit to the vet went without a hitch, but toward Christmas she developed a weepy eye. Again the visit to the vet went routinely although I had now been finding out just how fragile my little charge was. I remember seeing a 'visitor' to my home soon after. It was the large black cat that was seen at the Sanctuary when Minnie had her 'Rites of Passage'. It was He who conducted her to the next stage of her existence . What was he doing here I wondered. What indeed? It was as if he had come to see Pagan.

It was on New Year's Day 09 that Pagan suddenly sickened, being barely able to breath. After perking up in the next two days however, I decided she would visit the vet on the Monday. Come Sunday I woke up to find her condition had drastically deteriorated over night. The only thing I could do was to call the emergency vet. Pumping 'The Peglet' full of drugs, and with careful ministry on my part, I kept Pagan as warm and as comfortable as I could. She perked up a bit again that evening and seemed to know what I was trying to do for her. We had made an appointment with the vet for the next day to investigate what was causing such a malaise (as this was a Sunday after all) so I got some posh cat food (her favourite one) out and gave Pagan what was to become her last meal...

The next day she seemed visibly better, calling for her breakfast but still very fragile and cautious in her movements. This I had to attribute to the cocktail of drugs that she was given the day before. Because of the X-ray and tests that needed to be done to find what was ailing this little darling, she was not allowed to eat anything after that. I left her with the vet, and we said goodbye to each other, she reaching her paw to my hand.  We touched. I left.

As the morning wore on, I received 'that' phone call.   I was to come in to discuss 'options'. Pagan's condition had declined so rapidly that she hadn't come out of the sedation as she should have. Even whilst waiting at home I hoped beyond all hope that she would indeed 'turn the corner' and come back to me. When I saw her at the Vets, I knew that this was not to be. We two were surrounded by friends, love, and support, though Pagan herself was barely alive and unaware of what was going on around her. She had lost the will and the strength to live, and even if she had recovered that afternoon, she would not have survived for long as any treatment would have killed her outright, and uncomfortably if the malaise didn't get her first. There was no other option but to let her go.  And so at 1.50pm, on January 5th 2009, Pagan Persephone Rose left this life in readiness for the next stage of her journey... The 'rites of passage' will go ahead in honour of her name and her life (see below).

Be careful what you 'wish' for: A promise made is a promise kept...

My time with Pagan has been a learning curve to say the least, and a very thought provoking one at that. You never know when your thoughts or indeed prayers are being heard, or answered. I made a promise once, when Minnie was still around and well that if ever I was in a position to take in another cat, then let it be the most needy one. Well it soon became evident that with Pagan, I had been given exactly that - she turned out to be a very needy cat. Just HOW needy wouldn't become apparent until the end...

This has left me with one thought... To which ever Pagan God, 'Old One' or Spirit that heard the promise I made in my garden that day, I would like to offer up my sincerest and most profound gratitude for sending Pagan to me....