Animal Bereavement - Coping With Grief
The loss of a much loved animal companion (pet) can truly be an intense experience, with grief equalling or indeed exceeding that which we would feel for a human death, though the life style of the person/animals concerned can have a profound effect here. Animals feel these losses too and grieve also and anyone who says otherwise is truly insensitive. Of course everyone is entitled to their own beliefs but the evidence is there.
As with any kind of grief, there is no time scale that can be attributed to the grieving/mourning period - again a lot depends on the individual circumstances. As you can se here, I was (still am) devastated by the loss of my beautiful Minnie. It's been two years now yet the tears still flow with the tides of pain I feel on her loss. Yet with this pain comes memories of a quite different nature: the priviledge of knowing her, the joy of raising her and the absolute pleasure in her company. I truly loved her AND (and always will)... and she loved ME! My grief here at her passing however was so intense that I could not focus on her sister, my (then) surviving cat., Tabitha. HER grief must have been as intense as mine if not more so, as she had lost not only her sister but her life long companion, and I have to admit that I could not see through my own pain to comfort hers. I had to make an effort - I eventually did. Yet she had been there for for me all the while.
It's safe to say that I have not yet come to terms with Minnie's passing - they say 'time heals all wounds'.. Unfortunately its not so cut an dried as that, but it does help towards the healing process.
There are various things you can do to help you along the road to healing. I have done several of them without realising why, not least of all creating this page which goes some way toward the healing process. I found creating an album, a memorial to Minnie and indeed to Pagan to be of immense help - therapeutic in fact. I was externalising my grief and by doing this, I found it was helping me to remember the happier things, and also to see their lives in a more positive light, thus sending the darkness, left in the wake of their passing, packing...
- Avoid inhibiting grieving.
- Strengthen positive memories
- Actively seek support from resources, organizations and individuals.
- If spiritual or religious, seek solace
- Prepare in advance for the loss of the pet - IF you can/have the opportunity to, that is... (Unfortumately that was not possible in Minnie's or Pagan's passing).
- Memorialise the lost pet.
- Multi-pet households can focus on the remaining pets.
Other ways of coping with your loss can also include:
- Consider changing your living environment by putting away pet-related items or rearranging the home.
- Adjust the daily routine or schedule to avoid pet-related "moments".
- Express emotion through writing down experiences and memories.
- Consider volunteer work or just helping out others around you.
For my part I have put in to practise at least 8 of the above... Each person, each relationship is different and will need to effect different things to ease the pain of loss. I had no idea there was a 'list' of coping mechanisms for this but instinctively did what was right for me.
Above all NEVER be ashamed of grieving for an animal that you have lost. There is NOTHING to be ashamed of! As my Good Friend and mentor said to me: "...I can feel the love and connection you have with your animals and never be ashamed of it. it is very special..." (see top of page for full quote) So I pass this extraordinary gift of wisdom on to you.
Lastly in the eventuality of taking in an new animal into your home, just remember they are NOT replacements for the lost one, but NEW additions with feelings, lives and needs of their own. You need to give it a lot of thought, deep thought. And, give yourself the time you need to make the decision. My decision was made for me by Tabitha (Battie)- she had never been alone before and her grief equalled or exceeded mine. WE both needed a new companion, and when I brought Pagan (Peg) home I knew it was the right thing to do.
We lost Peg (Pagan) both prematurely and suddenly as well, and again I left making my decision until I was certain as Battiie (and I) still had the same needs - they had not changed.
When the time was right, Cleo came into our lives, and thankfully it didn't take too long for her to arrive... She was guided to us or us to her. I have much to be grateful for there.
Do animals have souls? You bet your life they do! However different beliefs have different ways of interpreting this. This also extends to if they reincarnate... Ask yourself - 'why should they be any different to us in that respect?' After all, we all come from the same melting pot - we are all Stardust*...
So, where do we go to from here?
The collective thought here is that our animal friends run to meet us when we die and we are reunited never to be parted again... much like the human relationships and partings when one goes into the light, so leaving the other on this plane, on Earth. This has been described as the 'Rainbow Bridge' - a green meadow paradise and the accompanying bridge to heaven where our animals go upon death and wait for us, having fully healed and playing in the sunshine. They run to us as we cross the meadow on our own way to heaven on our passing. The Rainbow Bridge story was first 'realised' in a poem of the late 20th century, but one whose authorship is uncertain Other beliefs say they indeed go to 'The Summerland'. According to many Pagans and Wiccans, Summerland (more widely associated these days as the Wiccan afterlife) is as a place of rest for souls in between their earthly incarnations, and as with the Rainbow Bridge, animals may enter as their souls are pure and unblemished, for whereas we can choose (or not) to evil, animals do not and are therefore free from evil. This is reflected also in the Christian Bible where some Christians may take comfort in Bible verses or stories that would point to the existence of animals in heaven, such as references to "the lion lying down with the lamb". Another popular passage is the well-known Matthew 5:8, "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God". I, personally, find this belief to be very warming as animals are innocent spirits and therefore more than qualify for the 'pure of heart' status. In that case it would be inevitable that they would go straight to Heaven when they die. 'Heaven' without animals could not exist, for to me, a Heaven without animals would truly be Hell. And, along with ourselves, it is believed that animal kind are also resurrected.
Whatever your particular beliefs are, be comforted that your beloved animal friends are never far away, for as with our passed human loved ones, they will - if they wish to or feel that you need them to - come back and visits, or watch over you.
Although not imminent, I now face the inevitability of another of my four legged friends passing into the light. I wonder at the strange occurrances in our home and reactions my two cats, Tabitha and Cleo, are having to what is an undoubted presence here, and of the things I have seen. The petite black cat who still walks around as if she owns the place and the Feline presence that stirs Cleo and Battie in to action. Action that you would only see if there was another cat in the room...
*"We are stardust, we are golden,
We are billion year old carbon,
And we got to get ourselves back to the garden..."
Woodstock - Words and Music by Joni Mitchell, performed by Crosy, Stills, Nash & Young |
